The Harder They Fall/Devil, Demons, Chess or Checkers

Directed by Jeymes Samuel

Photo by RODNAE Productions on

I’ve always enjoyed cowboy movies. Watching spaghetti westerns with my father was something we could enjoy together. He’d say, “you see him, he was black” referring to “The Lone Ranger”. The black man’s name was Bass Reeves, pointing to the white actor Clayton Moore and he’d go back to reading his paper because he’d seen it before or didn’t like the show. The westerns that held our attention were the Clint Eastwood westerns. The cold stares, the stand offs and the recognition of repeat characters were fun.

I sat down to watch “The Harder They Fall” and right from the opening scene of Rufus Buck, portrayed by Idris Elba, appearing as a monster set to destroy this innocent family, I was engaged. The look of recognition on the face of Theodore, the man answering the unexpected knock on the door. Rufus, the man looking for entry, saunters in, spits on the floor, showing his disrespect and disdain and then to sit at the table with his hat on! Oh, the hate was thick. Listening to how Michael Beach’s character “pastor Love” was talking to the intruder, it was clear that he had wronged this man. So, just wanting to know what caused him to behave like he did was enough to keep me watching.

Which brings me to Regina King, playing Trudy Smith and her affection for Rufus. She was clearly someone Rufus trusted, and her actions displayed a deep love for Rufus.

This brings me to Jonathan Majors as Nat Love. Is it just me, or does this actor seem to dance? I mean he has rhythmic movements.

Best Scene:

The confrontation between Rufus Buck and Nat Love; Rufus asks Nat, “Do you know why I gave you that scar?” Nat answers, “Yeah, so I’d remember you.

Rufus looked disappointed with Nat’s reply and says, “No, I gave you that scar so I’d recognize you when you came for me”.

Rufus was older and had been playing chess, working the world to his movements. I thought that was a brilliant way to deliver a message.

 Honorable mention to Delroy Lindo as Bass Reeves and Deon Cole as Wiley Escoe.

Depending on your perspective and expectations, this was worth the watch!

Dexter New Blood

Review/Predictions/Two Cents

Too Many Tuna Sandwiches, indeed!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

I wasn’t familiar with Michael C. Hall until I began watching Dexter. The casting was brilliant. I began to wonder about the actor playing such a character. I wasn’t surprised that he also exercised his art in the form of music. His band puts me in the mind of Tangerine Dream or 80’s rock. Not bad and his voice isn’t unpleasant.

When I find a television show that holds my interest, I’m all in and I allow myself to be engrossed in whatever tale is being spun.  It was that way with the show “Dexter”, I was the biggest fan, my husband, not so much, he finds it creepy. But I question his interests in “The Walking Dead”.

I started thinking, I can’t be the only one that likes Dexter and viola there are so many people on Youtube with opinions about the show. I was disappointed in the fact that, they all took the same angle of the show. Not one discussed the character of such a man, the psychology of the crimes, the poor parenting. The nurturing of a killer from the help of trained professionals, a cop and a psychologist. Or, the mere fact that, so many of us find interest. Let’s be honest, we relate to the character. I watched Michael C. Hall in different interviews express his discomfort with the fan base. Mr. Hall, for me it’s the psychology and the mental illness that draws me to the show and the character.

Episode 6: Dexter inside talking to himself (Debra) and he winces as the imaginary Debra slaps him upside the head. An exchange of power between father and son and then we’re switched to the other town predator, Kurt, played by Clancy Brown.

Let’s look at how long he’s been in Iron Lake and dating not just any woman but the police chief. Why would someone like Dexter who said he gave up the kill need to keep so close to the police if he didn’t want to be ahead on information? Or perhaps this is supposed to be unknown attraction for the character. Angela looking similar to Debra I’m sure wasn’t an accident if not saying volumes.

 “Every time I called you Jim it was a lie” Angela.

Watching Dexter listening to his crimes as told by the podcaster Molly was another favorite scene of mine. “I do feel a little, butchery”, Dexter.  He seems to like the Bat Man reference as he always wanted to be a hero.  

The therapy session and the space on the sofa! When I tell ya, I needed to watch this scene a few times because I related to his awkwardness, no frame of reference to pull from and how he tried to sum up his past as briefly with as few words as possible and Harrison called bull shit.

Inherited trauma; took a spiritual leap in my opinion. The relief on Dexter’s face when Harrison said, he didn’t remember the murder of his mother just what he heard online. Abandonment issues! You think?

It hasn’t been acknowledged on the show but all of Dexter’s character traits spell Asperger’s syndrome and why I relate to the character minus the killing.

I find it interesting that instead of admitting serial killers are products of the environment in which they are reared, in other words, “created”.  They want to play around with the notion that they are born that way is bullcrap.

December Babies/Birthdays

Spiritual Bimbooing 12/12/21

Photo by Markus Spiske on

I have never been excited about my birthday, being born four days before a major holiday, Christmas. My birthday was skipped or combined with the holiday. There was that one birthday party at the age of five but that was it. I didn’t carry this over to my children, one whose birthday comes after the holiday. They each have memories of celebrated birthdays and that makes me happy.

This year however, I feel differently about my approaching birthday.  Just look at it 12/21/21! Every year, in December, my husband asks what I want, I say, I don’t know. He makes a big deal of my birthday and I love him for it.

This year after healing myself from a stroke I wanted to do something different.  So, I told my husband I wanted him to cook my dinner as I do all the cooking for us. Then I changed my mind about that remembering the last time he cooked. How do you get sauce on the walls and light switch?

I asked for “time”, a movie night, paint my toenails. Keeping it simple and we like the same genre of film, so he won’t be bored to tears.  Getting him to meditate with me will be another story. But, that’s part of my day and his gift to me.

Wish me well

Being Vegan during a Holiday/Taste like Hate

Photo by August de Richelieu on

November 25, 2021

When my kids were young and I didn’t know any better, we celebrated holidays such as the present one and Christmas. Today, they don’t and neither do I because we practice, “knowing better equals doing better”.

I hail from a long line of good cooks. Generational recipes and some creations and blending of my own, mixing with love and patience and my food is magic. When my children where young, they never knew what store brought bread taste like because I made our bread. Every meal they consumed was made by my hands. My bread never matched my grandmother’s bread which would melt in your mouth, but it wasn’t shameful.

I haven’t made bread in years, nor do I eat it much anymore due to the gluten. When my husband asked what would we do on Thursday? I was a little confused, we usually spend those days with relatives. We bring a bottle of wine, and we are one of the many traveling. We don’t celebrate so called “holidays”, but he enjoys the togetherness. I’m an unapologetic introvert. We decided to eat at home which meant for me cooking and washing dishes all for the next two days. I do these things every day, but I think my annoyance came with what he wanted me to cook for just the two of us. A traditional turkey dinner for just us! I watched the longing and hopeful face he made, so happy! In my head, I was thinking who is going to eat all that food? We are both lactose intolerant and vegan cheese (I don’t care what brand) it sucks. The crap doesn’t melt, and I know how to substitute but that is with flour/gluten. I don’t eat meat so the cleaning (touching) and dressing a bird sent gag reflexes which I tried to hide.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Well, I ain’t gonna lie, I put my foot in it! Everything came out as expected. The turkey was picture perfect. Looks juicy! Delicious? I wouldn’t know. My pot of greens are seasoned to orgasmic joy. The mac and cheese tasted like hate. Yup, it tasted just like I felt about it. I will serve it proudly hidden between the yams, stuffing and turkey and cover them with gravy.

I spent hours on the turkey basting it and my efforts were rewarded. That mac and cheese though, it too will be served but not without me remembering the lesson in the meal.


Rittenhouse/Allyn Walker

Photo by Thomas Shockey on

Let’s talk about the obvious misuse of language, power, bewitching, spiritual warfare and because I need balance. I’ll also make mention of silence, weakness, repugnant and substance.

Judge Bruce Schroeder didn’t like the word, “victims” in the trail of K. Rittenhouse. Video footage shows Rittenhouse tearing through people with an AR-15 rifle. The judge’s sensitivity and grandfather like protection of a young man sitting there accused of murder isn’t touching, instead it’s an open face slap and a misuse of power.

Politicians, lawyers, and so-called educators otherwise known as Professors are talented in the art of misleading, redirections, and language. Professor Allyn Walker has said that pedophile is a misleading and well, kinda ugly word that lacks intent. So, M.A.P. which stands for minor attracted person is a better description.

When I was five years old, a M.A.P. brutally and sexually attacked me and left me for dead. I was an unsuspecting casualty of an unknown M.A.P.

This is accurate according to Professor Allyn Walker. As for me it lacks substance. For any victim/casualty of a crime will find Judge Bruce Schroeder’s actions despicable to say the least. As for Allyn, this disillusion and out of touch frame of teaching is meant to bewitch or soften the edges, perfume shit or philosophy wrongdoing.

Butcher Blood and Ice Cream

Photo by Thomas Svensson on

As a child, my maternal grandmother lived in a large three story home complete with hanging chandeliers and maid quarters.  I asked my mother what her mother did for work she started explaining using words such as domesticate, household, cleaning and I blurted out “oh maid”.  Which was explained to me that we don’t use the word “maid”.  She was trying to teach me about the power of words.  Answering my question meant a lot to her when I asked what her job was.   

Because of how I talk, straight no chaser, when I asked my mother as a child what she did at work, she chose her words carefully and said, “I’m a butcher they don’t call me that at work but that’s what I do”. She further explained that she wasn’t paid the same as the white men that worked the same job.  She came home in a white, blood-stained coat every night from cutting meat. Her hands smelled of bleach and her knuckles were beginning to show signs of arthritis.  

After the incident that changed everything in my life. Once a month on her day off she would dress herself in her prettiest dress, put me in a dress, ribbons in my hair and my shiny Mary Jane’s would travel downtown Philadelphia to a restaurant to have brunch. We would be the only Black people in the restaurant and the stares were too much for me and I remember telling my mother. I didn’t like it and the people staring at us made me feel afraid. My mother just said, they are only starring because you are so beautiful. We got ice cream with cherries on top and my mother tasted my treat and smiled. She wasn’t a smiler because she hated the gap in her front teeth. So, this was her defiance and her contribution to the movement.  She and a 5-year-old waging war with smiles and ice cream.  


Photo by Min Thein on

A few days past I created a post for my social media that read, “IF ALL IS NEEDED IS AIR, FOOD AND SHELTER ALL ELSE ARE SUCCESSFUL SCAMS”.  My post lacked a$$ shaking, pain or shiny things, so it was ignored. The shiny things in today’s world are topics and some of the trending topics are regarding homosexuals, race, violence and politics.  

Manipulation – “the action of puppeteering in a skillful manner”.

 As a child I can remember saying, “I can’t wait to grow up” my mother asked me, “why”? I told her because I could do what I want. She laughed and told me that being adult that I could do what I want but I had to be responsible for my actions, my decisions and how I had to make sure the outcomes were the ones I wanted. My mother was teaching me how to be a critical thinker. How to use foresight. Of course, I didn’t master this for a long time.

I’ve fallen victim to clickbait or only seeing the surface. Not taking the time to investigate for myself out of lack of interest or lazy. What I didn’t do was pass around the surface information because I didn’t do the work myself.  I understand all too well why it’s important to investigate, gain knowledge for one’s self.  I’m careful because I don’t want to tell my children or anyone else falsehoods. Just like being a parent doesn’t end being a responsible adult doesn’t end either because there is always someone looking to you for understanding. We could all be superheroes.

My Mother Married a Pedophile

Some title huh? But unfortunately, true.

My mother was a smart, beautiful woman deeply troubled. When my mother slept, she had such violent dreams that she screamed, moaned and fought in her sleep. I cry writing this because until the age of 45 so did I.

My mother and her sister were left to be raised by relatives where the two of them suffered hungry times. It was the “depression” and during the 1920’s the country was hungry, but these relatives lived and worked a farm. I know of chickens because mom would tell me about how she and her sister were always given the chicken feet to eat and never the plentiful parts of the bird. She developed a disorder about food.

Photo by Kirsten Bu00fchne on

She left the farm and headed to Harlem where she met and married her first husband. They soon had two boys and a girl. He and his family were unkind to my mother. I don’t want to paint a picture that my mother was a willing victim. My mother was the prettiest woman you’d ever get your ass whoop from. But, I think because her past was difficult for her to verbalize to me she would get angry and sad if I pressed too hard. I pieced together my mother with help from my siblings over the years. After my mother had my sister, she left the boys and fled NY. Five years later she met and married my father and that marriage produced my brother and myself. My father was hard working eventually owning his own business. All children want to know from where they start, and my sister was no different. At thirteen she and her best friend skipped school and travelled to NY to visit a father she knew nothing about. It was a short visit which just coincidentally coincides with her addiction to alcohol (her story, but she is sober today for many years).

I work to heal myself and doing so crushing this cycle of illness my mother’s past sicken her mentally and emotionally. When we know better, we do better!

How deep does the hole go?

Me and Ida/Bambaataa Monsters

Photo by Filipe Delgado on

Ida came through and washed the surface of my world.  I sat on the phone with my husband while he worked in the storm.  It got sketchy several times and I thought he would end up sleeping in the vehicle because all the roads were washed out. 

Ida and I tore through our emotions, she soaked the outside and I saturated my face and shirt with tears. My book has come to a pause because the energy and the emotions drain and drowned me in sorrow. Then I need to recover, breathe and meditate to bring my balance back in line.  I’ve never been great in asking for help or giving up, but I know when I need assistance because it hits me like a slap in the face sometimes.

Someone close to me said flippantly that she could write her story in six months because she is healed. At first her statement stung because it is taking me so long.  Then I remembered not to compare and me being me I understood where her statement came from. Hurt people, hurt people, and healed people heal people.  

This age of Revelations has me invigorated with expectation and hope and at the same time I’m completely wiped out both physically and emotionally.

I admire and keep up with a few YouTubers, one, H. Campbell who came out as a victim of child abuse. I watched as men (some his peers) laughed and made light of his pain. Clearly exposing their ignorance of mental anguish and maturity levels, but again, hurt people!

Trigger Week Dissecting Consciousness/Brother, O’Brother

Conscious Community/Clout Chasing “Bag”

According to

consciousness · the state of being consciousawareness of one’s own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc. · the thoughts and feelings, collectively …

Navigating the YouTube waves are tricky, not impossible.  S Studio’s (not the name) host kept viable information regarding another man’s character a secret. I think men that harbor secrets like pedophilia are the worst of any community. 

Photo by cottonbro on

I want to poLightly talk about brothers trolling the hood for single mothers. Single mothers are easy targets because they are seeking companions to help raise children and financial aid. These wolves are not interested in you as much as they are interested in your children. This accusation of child molestation hit the community hard, as for me, it left me triggered, angry and disillusioned. I know I wasn’t alone in my feelings. In a self-made patriarchal society in which we live; I believe the men have a duty to protect.

Photo by Pixabay on

I did so much deep breathing this week, several times I made myself dizzy. Triggered all week.  Just when you think you’ve reached a place in your healing, BANG, I’m ticking, and crying, then anger and my anger wasn’t towards myself for my feelings but rather towards men. Our reality is what we make it, is there a gender war? Or a gigantic misinterpretation of fear. We don’t like to talk about things that bring us pain. But ignoring all this pain has us all swimming in madness.