*$__ it, I stand Alone Always/writer’s block
When you belong to a community that refuses to acknowledge mental illness the hardest thing to live with is the loneliness. Find your tribe, how when communication is the one thing you struggle with daily? Every cliché is wrong and disturbingly insulting. If I have days of not having to explain myself are days that I have to spend alone or in silence. “Being lonely is a state of being” or something absurd like that. I answered some hard truths about myself and understanding the origins of some of well, “me”.
“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.”– Orson Welles
I realized the trouble I’m having finding my literary voice is the overwhelming sense of responsibility of representing myself as well as being a representative of my community, my family, all the internal bs. Fortunately, I learned at a young age how to say, “_uck it and say my truth”. I never did well with fear although fear and I have a long and ugly relationship. I feel fear creeping up and that turns to anger at myself for being afraid and then I verbally explode, or some action is taken.
Anger and frustration is where I find myself within my community. Like attracts like and when I release my fear and exhale my fingers speed across the keys and I think, “thanks brain”.