Calling all Narcissists
There are so many ways people have for describing themselves; introvert/extrovert, passive/aggressive, shy/daring. I’m all of these given the space and its occupants. (oh no, is that called mirroring? I say in light jest) I enjoy people in small doses depending on the person(s). In my journey of self-discovery, I ran across some diagnoses and fifteen-dollar words used to describe another’s behaviors. I’ve always been the “root” of things kinda of person. I use band aids when needed, but I want to know how to prevent needing them.
A few years ago, I suffered a medical episode that left half of my face slanted, I called it a “stroke”. The medical professionals did not. In defense of the highly educated medical professionals I sought, I did not demonstrate the universal sign for stroke. (I’ll wait while you look into that universal sign). For those few hours of being a patient, I was given a breathalyzer and my arms checked for needle marks. The nurse, asked, “did I take any drugs?” I shook my head “no” as I was taking the breathalyzer for the 3rd time and she is looking at me with a face and actions I found confusing. I don’t drink and at the time of the “medical episode” I was alone at home and unaware that my speech had been affected until I tried to speak to the receptionist in the ER.
Look up Asperger’s and eventually you’ll run across:
Narcissism, absorption of oneself while ignoring the needs of others. ( https://www.dictionary.com/browse/narcissist#) This is a slanderous word in my opinion because it ignores the “why” or perspective therefore in my root to things thinking, it is an unnecessary and quick judgement of diagnosis. Many scholars like to differentiate between women with Asperger’s and men. They are quick to say men are narcissistic but the very reason for them getting the therapy was because they were seeking to find answers of the “why”.
I’ve always known something was different, off, off-putting about me. I seek now to decipher what is the trauma, the environment and the physical (brain). I’ve been researching mirror neurons and reading some science published articles to improve me to find answers to my “why”. Regarding the “medical episode” and the nurse; using perspective I can tell myself that in her line of work she must see a lot of drug overdoses to treat me the way she did. As my husband so eloquently put it, “babe, some people are just a##holes”. I love him so much, he is my balance. I over think everything part of my OCD.
Mentalization-Based Therapy is understanding the “why” of someone’s mental state. In short, PATIENTS and my personal favorite PERSPECTIVE!!
When my nephew was young, and interested in music, he innocently asked me, “what song are you humming?” and I turned and looked at him and honestly answered, “what song?” I was unaware of my self-soothing humming. I don’t humm or talk to myself when alone. I asked myself, why would I feel uncomfortable enough to need to humm? These are made up tunes, no words accompany the notes, just a vibrational inner hugging that occurs when I’m in the presence of others. Example of this; I’m in the kitchen cooking and someone else is in the kitchen watching me or waiting on what’s cooking, I humm to myself.
My Tourette’s and my tics are facial and has made me aware and self-conscience of my appearance and the impression I’m leaving. Humming also stops the tics and helps me focus on task not my growing insecurity, a coping mechanism if you will. I also have this left hand finger thing that when I notice it, or should I say, by the time I notice it, I’m tic’ing and therefore embarrassment ensues. I think we expect our medical professionals to already be in the know about Tourette’s and Autism or at the very least we expect patients and understanding, perhaps that’s in their code of healing some where. Or should we wear tee shirts that say, “TOURETTE’S TALK OR TIC” carry a laminated card for police stops?